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Thursday, July 23, 2015

IVF #1 = Failed

IVF #1 = Failed
Thursday, July 23, 2015
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I've been avoiding writing this entry for the last few days. 

But, since I finally had my beta yesterday I guess it's time. 

So as you can tell from the title, it didn't work.
I had a bad feeling when I woke up 5dp5dt. I just knew.

I took a test that evening and it was negative.

I took one the following day, same result. 

There was really no reason it shouldn't have worked.

It's taken me a few days, a lot of tears and anger but, I think I'm finally okay. 

I had a talk with my amazing RE last night and I'm ready to move on to our FET which should be taking place at the end of next month. I should start meds within the next few days as soon as AF arrives. 

We have our 3 frosties left and I'm hoping she'll agree to let us transfer 2 of them. 

I'll update more once we have a schedule and I have an idea of all the meds I'll need. 

Wednesday, July 15, 2015


Wednesday, July 15, 2015
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Let's start with something SUPER awesome and positive.
So on Monday morning my incredibly awesome RE gave me a call and told me that my 3 remaining embies all made it to freeze!
This lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.
I'm pretty sure we wont be able to do another fresh cycle so I was praying that we'd have some to freeze.

Moving along....

The last few days have been a lot of the same.

Dizziness: On & Off
Nausea: On & Off
SO SO Sleepy: Every day.
My boobs are killing me: Every day.
Cramping: Every day.
Twinges/Pulling/Aching of all my reproductive parts: Pretty much Every day.

All of which I'm pretty much attributing to the Crinone.
I've taken it during my IUIs before and it's always been a super fun mindf**k since it mimics pretty much all pregnancy symptoms.

I'm not really sure how I feel about all this.

The frozen embies have really helped give me peace about the possibility of this not working.
Don't get me wrong, there is still a VERY good possibility that I will be seriously devastated if it doesn't work and might need a few days to recover. But I might be okay.

I'm still truly hoping it works.
I've gotten quite attached to "thumbs up embryo"

Send all the sticky vibes you got.
They are much needed and MUCH appreciated.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

7.11.15 Transfer Day! For real this time...

7.11.15 Transfer Day! For real this time...
Sunday, July 12, 2015
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We arrived at the OR again at 9:00 a.m.
It was a beautiful morning. 

Perfect day to get knocked up.

We were taken to room #5 this time. 

To our nice surprise it had a view! of the parking lot but a view nonetheless. We were going to be there a while so it was nice to have things to look at besides curtains.

The nurse came back and immediately started our paperwork and we were shown a picture of this perfect little scientific creation that's half DH & half Me.  

I stared at it for a while. 
Our perfect (to me any way) little 5 day hatching blast. 

A little back story: So when they called to cancel my 3dt, I told DH that I wondered was a great embryo looked like.  He said that it would be giving us a thumbs up. 

Fast forward to this day and he sees our hatching blasts and comments that the part that is hatching looks like a thumb. He immeditately declares this is a sign of good things to come. 
From your mouth to God's ears, love. 

So after starting at the picture for about 15 minutes I put on my lucky socks......

 and waited.

They finally took us in about an hour and a half later.
The procedure was quick.  They let us watch it on the monitor which is amazing.
If you're curious, Google > Egg Transfer IVF. Fascinating.
We saw our little embie put in what will hopefully be his/her home for the next 9 months and that was it. 15 minutes later were done.

We hung out for about 15 more minutes and we were sent on our way. 

I've had MANY IUI's but this was SO different.

With the IUIs you leave without anything other than the hope that sperm will meet egg and in 12-14 days you find out if they found each other or not. 
With IVF, you leave with this little almost baby floating around inside you hoping and praying that it decides to make it self comfy and stick around for a while.
In a picture it looks just like a little circle with bunch of cells but all those cells in the middle....they become your baby.
Those cells are enough to make a human.
It's scary how quickly one becomes attached to that tiny bunch of cells.
How quickly you can imagine if it's a boy or girl and all the plans you have for it. 

So now we do more waiting, and hoping and praying. 

Beta is schedule for 7.21
Thursday, July 9, 2015

Transfer Day! 7.9.15

Transfer Day! 7.9.15
Thursday, July 9, 2015
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We got a call from the nurse saying that our 4 little embies were doing SO awesome that they were pushing my transfer to a 5dt on Saturday morning.

I'm a happy girl.

Especially after my RE sent me this awesome email

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

1 day past retrieval....

1 day past retrieval....
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
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Went to work.
Felt pretty good minus a few twinges here and there and some light cramping.

Got my fert report.

Out of 11 eggs, 4 were mature and all 4 fertilized with ICSI.

3 day transfer is scheduled for Thursday 7.9.15

A little sad. I was hope a few more would fertilize.

Definitely overdid it at work. Came home uncomfortable and exhausted. I went to sleep at 6:45 p.m.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Egg Retrieval

Egg Retrieval
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
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Monday July 6, 2015
Reported to the RE's office OR @ 8:00 a.m. to check in.
Once they went over all the details and instructions for the next few days, they sent DH on his way to their 3rd floor which is where the "man rooms" are. 
They took me to the waiting/recovery rooms and put me in bed #2.
They took my vitals. BP and temp were good. Pulse was 100+. Nervous, much? YES.
They had me change in to a gown (thankfully they had the ones NOT for skinny people)
and then they did THIS to me...
Just as they finished that, DH came back with his tiny brown paper bag of man stuff.
The anesthesiologist came to meet me and ask a bunch of questions. He asked if I wanted an "appetizer" to calm my nerves while I waited. I said YES. DH did as well but his request was denied.
Nurse told me to go to the bathroom, when I came out my bed was gone. 
Another nurse told me to head to the back, apparently we were starting early. 
They took me in to what I had once heard being called the most intimidating room ever. Truth.
Laid me down. Put my legs up in these leg holder things and covered every inch of my bottom half with sterile blue OR paper stuff with the exception of my lady bits.
Met the Dr. who I had only previously met while also in this compromising position while he was doing my SIS. I mentioned this. We laughed. Good times. 
I remember the anesthesiologist giving me the part of my meds he called "the stuff that's gonna make you not care about anything" and I immediately got sleepy and a little loopy.
I remember the embryo lab guy coming in and asking me if I was me.
I remember them calling out the details of the, date, time and what they were doing
I remember looking over to the anesthesiologist, wondering if the anesthesia that was going to put me to sleep looked like the while milky stuff I've always seen on tv. I was pleasantly surprise to see that it did.
Last thing I remember was his asking me if it burned, I said No and that was it.....

Next thing I knew it was about 30 minutes later and I was back in my little "room" someone had taken my hair net off and fixed my hair and  DH had a big smile and was waiting for me. 
The doctor has already come in and told him they retrieved 11 eggs.
I was a little disappointed but it was about what I expected base on my E2.

Anesthesiologist came back and asked how my pain was, I said about a 4. He gave me a tiny dose of meds and that helped.

We stayed there for about 30-45 minutes and we were sent on our way.
I spent the rest of the day in bed crampy and in a little pain but overall okay.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

ER in less than 12 hours....

ER in less than 12 hours....
Sunday, July 5, 2015
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Well tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow we find out how well the meds really worked

Tomorrow at 8am I report to the OR and ER is scheduled for 10:00 a.m.

This morning I had a post trigger E2 check and they also checked to make sure the HCG took.

My E2 yesterday was over 1300 and today it was 2,270.
They didn't give me the hcg but I didn't expect them to.

Since I can't lotion or perfume before going I showered and motioned tonight.
I also blow dried my hair since that always helps me feel "normal" and "together"

I wish I could take a sleeping pill.
I have no idea how I'm ever getting to sleep tonight .

I'll updated again tomorrow night.
Saturday, July 4, 2015

Tonight we trigger.....

Tonight we trigger.....
Saturday, July 4, 2015
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So many emotions right now that I'm not entirely sure how to sift thru them all.

I'm nervous:
I've ever been under anesthesia before. I'm only slightly freaking out about this.
We've been doing shots all week but this HCG shot is a big deal. It has to be done perfectly.

I'm pleasantly surprised:
That it only took 10 days of meds. That my body responded well and that I have 17 total measurable follies. I was not sure what to expect but this definitely surpassed any expectations I might have had.

For a recap, today's u/s showed

8 Follies on the Right:
19.1, 18.2, 17.8 16.7, 15.3 14.6, 13.4, 12.2

9 Follies on the Left:
20.6, 19.4, 19.2, 17.3, 16.6, 14.3, 14.3, 14.1, 13.8

Lining was 10.5 and my Estradiol was over 1300. 

I'm sad:
My doctor is not performing my ER. :( This actually makes me incredibly sad. I was really hoping that trigger would be tomorrow instead of tonight because I know on Tuesday's she's in the OR. But no such luck. I did email her (because I'm crazy) to ask if there was any possibility that she would be around this week for either the retrieval or the transfer. The last time a procedure worked she performed it and it's when I got pregnant with my son in 2009.
So sad.
I'm sad that my Mom isn't here. I know she's with me in spirit as is my Dad but I miss her. I wish I could call her and talk to her about all these feelings.

I'm excited:
If this works, I'll finally be pregnant again! Something that I've been wishing for and dreaming about since about a year after my boy was born. I've tried to not let me mind wander and get excited too much but sometimes I let it just to get out of the following feeling. Thinking about our new baby, if it's a boy or girl. What we would name him/her. What he/she would look like. How excited J would be to be a big brother.

I'm terrified:
What if this doesn't work? How will I recover? Will we end up with embies to freeze? So much unknown. SO much at stake. This is by far one of the scariest things I've ever done. This feeling by far overcomes them all. Sometimes it's not so bad. Sometimes it feels like a necessary feeling, but it's still so overwhelming.

All that being said, tonight is trigger.  Tomorrow morning we need to go to the office again for blood work. They'll be checking my estrogen again and making sure the HCG got in there properly.
We decided to rent a hotel room up near the office so we wouldn't have to come all the way home and then head back Monday morning for the ER.
So if you're reading this blog and you have any prayers or good vibes to spare, I would greatly appreciate them.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Here we are, 7 days of stims later.....

Here we are, 7 days of stims later.....
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
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This is going to be a quick update just to show where we are as of yesterday after 6 days of stims. 
The numbers in the parentheses are the sizes of my follies thus far. I have 7 on the right and 9 on the left.
My E2 came back at 280 which I'm disappointed about but I'm hoping that it will improve.
They increased my Follistim to 225iu for last night and tonight. My next check is tomorrow morning when they'll also do my pre-op appt.
Hoping for some better numbers. 

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