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Monday, September 30, 2013

10dpiui.....2 days till testing

10dpiui.....2 days till testing
Monday, September 30, 2013
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10 & 9dpiui and I'm almost positive I'm going to drive myself crazy googling symptoms.
You'd swear I'd never been pregnant before. 

If I decide to be "Positive Peggy" (vs. the Debbie Downer DH says I am 98% of the time) then I swear I would say I'm pregnant.
Ugh. It makes me nervous to even right that out.
Ever since the ovulation pain of the century the day of my first IUI,  I've had little things here and there that feel slightly familiar. 
I've had light cramping for the last 5 days or so along with a lot of pulling and pain on the sides near my ovaries. Add to that some lower back pain, random flutters/vibrations in the area of my uterus and other weird sharp pains here and there all in that area. I have a glimmer of hope.
It's possible.
I only remember having these feelings one other time. 

I could blame this all on the Crinone except I'm not taking any this month.

Coming back to reality, I know there is that other 75% chance that it didn't work.
I'm trying very hard to come to terms with that before I test on Wednesday morning. I'm hoping I can be okay with another BFN....well as okay as can be expected I suppose.
I'm trying to focus on the positive and that is that we have a plan for our next cycle (all injectables) and then the possibility of doing IVF depending on what the financial counselors at the RE's office say.

SO! we'll see what happens on Friday.

Monday, September 23, 2013

IUIs 5 & 6 = Check!

IUIs 5 & 6 = Check!
Monday, September 23, 2013
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Let's start with some positives.... This month I responded really well to meds. Hooray! It hasn't been this quick or good since my cycle with J ::fingers crossed:: I'm not sure if my change in diet had anything to do with it but I'm thankful. Prior to this cycle I was not ready for trigger until CD 17-18. this month on CD12 I had one 17.6 follie and my e2 was 357. I was pretty excited. The following day that follie was 21 and my e2 was 446 (I also had a 16 follie that may or may not have gotten anywhere by Friday)so I did my trigger Thursday night. First IUI was Friday morning and the next was Saturday. Now for the Debbie Downer crap... DH's counts on Day 1 weren't great. I'm not sure why his #'s fluctuate SO much. Last IUI they were over 40 million on Day 1 and almost 20 million on Day 2. This month they were 11 million on Day 1 and 15 million on Day 2. My biggest annoyance was my nurse on Day 2. Usually after the second one the nurse always makes sure to instruct me to come in 7dpiui for my p4 test an then if no AF @ 14dpiui for the beta. Saturday before the nurse started I reminded to ask her to please call in the Crinone rx to my ins. She asked if I've taken it before and I said yes, they put me on it at 7dpiui when I did the IUI that gave me J 4 years ago and I was on it after that for both IUI's this year. She tells that she would check and let me know. She does the IUI which was terrible because she clearly did not read my file to see it needs to be done a certain way since my cervix is weird. It took her forever and it was rather painful. Not to mention the 3-4 times she caught my skin when tightening the speculum screws. When she finished, she went to go find out about the Crinone. She comes back and tells me that I don't need it now and that "if you WANT you can make an appointment for about 7 days from now and we can check it for you" and that "if we need to we'll call it in then" i told her I don't understand cause they've always checked my progesterone at 7dpiui it's never been an option so she says "we'll they haven't checked it since April so it obviously wasn't a concern" I said that's cause my last IUI was in April?? She finally asks me if my insurance covers the blood work, I said of course yes and she replied then fine just to make the appt. WTF? I'm so frustrated. There were no other nurses there since they were about to close and I feel like this lady had no idea wtf she was talking about and a part of me is wondering if she even did the IUI right. The answering service wouldn't put my message thru since it wasn't a medical emergency so I need to call tomorrow. Anyway, that's where we're at. I have been shopping
and I've subscribed to every other "what to eat after IUI" suggestion I could find online. Drinking tons of water and trying my best to relax. Not the easiest thing to do with a 3 year old in the house but my husband has been pretty awesome. Don't tell him I told you ;) I'll take a home test around 10.2 - 10.3 and my beta so long as AF doesn't arrived would be on the 4th. So we'll see. I'm praying hard but as usual I really try not to feel one way or another about it so I'm not disappointed. I think after this we're doing a full injectables cycle and if that doesn't work do IVF before the end of the year.
Thursday, September 12, 2013

Yes, I'm back. Again.

Yes, I'm back. Again.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
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Well I left off on my last post hoping that my May IUI cycle would prove to be more successful than April. No such luck. I actually had to cancel that cycle after I took all the meds since I lost y job. Co-pays are a B*&%h and I just could take that money away from J or house things to pay for the monitoring and IUI's. SO I went on a forced break for 4 months. I was a REALLY hard four months. I honestly tried not to think about it because every time I did it actually made me hyperventilate. I was desperately trying to find some way to go back somehow and that way never came until the end of last month. I called in Dr. W's office to see if I could just come back in Sept. and they said I would need to meet with her first since I have 3 failed cycles. They counted May since we took all the meds and BD'ed. Thankfully, Dr. W had a last min cancellation on the 29th so I took it. Basically recommended either sticking with 1-2 more cycles of the same, moving on to an injectables only IUI cycle or IVF. We left of with that I would do 1 Injectable IUI cycle and then come back and see if we want to continue with another or move to IVF. Well...things are never that simple. AF arrived on Saturday and I went in for my CD3 ultrasound on Monday. Apparently, my meds for this cycle needed to have been ordered in advance and I had no idea so I had no Follistim to start with on Monday :( My options were to either cancel or do another Clomid/Follistim cycle....so I opted to do that. I'm on cycle day 6 now and to my pleasant surprise the clomid has NOT made me a raging bitch yet so that's definitely a win. I'm sure Alexis thinks so. I'm not really sure how I feel. I'm just trying to take it easy and pray that my body does what it's supposed to. I mean, it grew a baby before....you'd think it would remember how. Ha. I honestly did not think it would be this hard emotionally this time around. I did not expect for the process to be as easy as it was with J but I wasn't expecting the overwhelming feeling of disappointment at the failed cycles. I thought that having J already would make the disappointment easier to brush off. I should just be thankful I have my beautiful and amazing son and that's it. Right? Not so much. I think having J has actually made it worse. Before I became a Mom, I didn't really know what I was missing. I had never carried a baby inside of me, never given birth, never experienced finally seeing this baby that you've been waiting so long for. It truly breaks my heart to imagine that I may never get to do all of that again. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to have my son. He is by far my greatest accomplishment that THE MOST incredible blessing I have ever been given. I am SO lucky to be his Mom and if I only ever get to have him that's fine but I won't stop trying. I don't feel like my family is complete yet. So if you're out there in cyber space reading this, I'll take any prayers and good wishes you can spare. Here we go again!
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