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Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Sucking it up for Transfer Day!

Sucking it up for Transfer Day!
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
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Dr. S told me I could be mad, sad and feel how ever I wanted yesterday but today I was to get back on the positivity wagon. 
So that's what I'm doing. 
I'm putting my faith in to these embabies and praying they decide to stick around. It was my whole idea all along that early transfers were the way to go for me so I'm hoping that my theory is correct. 

Since it's a weekday my little guy is at school, we dropped him off and then headed north to the Margate office where all the retrieval and transfers happen. 
I decided last night that I would make myself a shirt for transfer. I had wanted to do it all along and almost didn't because I felt so down about only having these 2 embryos. 
So I decided to suck it up and not treat them any different. 

After transfer I got some McDonald's fries, ran a quick errand then picked up my boy. 
Tonight H is making me a yummy dinner and we'll spend the rest of the time relaxing. 



 Valium & Duck Face!




Monday, May 15, 2017

The worst feeling in the world....

The worst feeling in the world....
Monday, May 15, 2017
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is knowing that you did the best you could and it still wasn't good enough.

I went to work today anxiously awaiting my fert report. I stopped in the bathroom before walking in to the office and as I was getting ready to walk in, they called.

I knew the moment the nurse said hello in the most somber voice that it wasn't good.

Of our 10 eggs, once again, only 4 were mature. Of those 4 only 2 fertilized.

Since there are only 2, we report for transfer tomorrow morning.



I'm trying to remain hopeful but the truth is I'm devastated.

Spoke to Dr. S who reminded me that this is not a hopeless cause.

Praying she is right and praying for these 2 little embryos.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

10 Eggs for Mother's Day

10 Eggs for Mother's Day
Sunday, May 14, 2017
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Done with retrieval.
Everything went well :) Dr. B was able to retrieve 10 eggs. I was in a bit of pain when I got out so the anesthesiologist gave me a little something extra.
The plan is to spend the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing!
Anxiously awaiting my fert report in the morning.
Hoping we have more than 4 mature eggs this time.






Friday, May 12, 2017

Done!

Done!
Friday, May 12, 2017
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Retrieval in 36 hours!

Trigger time!!

Trigger time!!

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Dr. S texted me to tell me I'd be triggering tonight!!
My follicles look good and my e2 is a record 1718!

Retrieval will be on Sunday, Mother's Day.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

34 and on stims and needles....

34 and on stims and needles....
Thursday, May 11, 2017
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Today is day 6....
My estrogen at my first follicle check was 237!
My last 2 retrievals they were 5 & 11 respectively. Dr. W said that t was possible that my weight was cause the meds to not work like they were supposed to. So my response was always anywhere from slow to almost non-existent.

For those who have no idea what any of this means let me try to explain.....
So the purpose of the medications that you take during IVF is to grow a good number of follicles. The hope is that all of those follicles actually contain mature eggs. The rule of thumb tends to be an estrogen level (e2) of around 200 per mature follicle. While I'm not a Dr., I think this tends to vary the farther you get in to your cycle, since I've ladies with an e2 of around 1800 end up with 10+ mature eggs. As for the follicles themselves, your Dr. will want them to grow to around 18+mm before having you do the trigger shot. The trigger shot is the last stim medication you use and it promotes ovulation in around 36 hours. At that point, you go to the clinic for the retrieval which is the procedure in which they aspirate the follicles and retrieve as many eggs as possible.

Yesterday, I had my second follicle check and as you can see from the picture below, the difference between last yer and this year at the same time is crazy. Not only do I have more follicles but my e2 is SO much higher.

My ovaries hurt this time around which never happened before. I'm so very thankful because I know that this means that the stims are actually doing their job, however, sitting at my desk all day sucks.

Tomorrow, I go in for my 3rd monitoring. My GUESS that trigger will be Saturday and retrieval Monday. Dr. S won't be around so hopefully all goes smoothly with her backup. I'm still super disappointed that she won't be doing the retrieval but I'm trying to look past that and focus on all the positives this time around.

I'm actually excited. Stims and everything that went along with it have in the past been a very difficult time for me. Not responding to meds is super discouraging and as made apparent by my 4 previous failed cycles, what I got from them wasn't great.
Tuesday was my 34th birthday and I spent most of the day just reflecting on this last year. A fresh that resulted in an ectopic that had to be terminated and a failed FET.
Dr. W wanted me to try to get healthier and so I set out to do that. Around that time I met Dr. S, she motivated me to everything I could to put myself in a better place both physically and emotionally.
#optimization
I had no idea that it would help make such a difference in my response.
Dr. W said it would but it's hard to really imagine what that difference will look like when you're in the dark aftermath of a failed cycle.
There were many times that I wanted to say fuck it and give up.
But I didn't.
No matter what happens, I'm thankful that this journey has shown me my strength and will power.
I firmly believe that God brings certain people in  to you life at the perfect time, just when you need them and this past year I have met so many amazing women...the feeling of gratitude is overwhelming and brings me to tears.
So here I wait, on stims and needles, hoping that this is it.



Friday, May 5, 2017

Catching up!

Catching up!
Friday, May 5, 2017
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So after the Endo scratch I stayed on the Lupron 10units per day.
I was supposed to start stims on April 28th but my baseline u/s showed a cyst and my e2 was a little elevated so Dr. S didn't feel great about started that day. Instead, she had me stay on Lupron for another week.
Never a dull moment!

Today I went back for my second baseline and everything was good :)
Cyst is gone and my e2 was 47!
Now, I'm not sure if that's good or bad but my e2 my last 2 retrievals have been 11 & 5.
I'm hoping that this is a good sign but we'll see.

So, tonight is Stim Start!! :)
First follicle and e2 check is on Monday morning!
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