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Sunday, April 21, 2013

Joining the movement....

In light of National Infertility Awareness week I decided to dust off the old blog and write in here again. I decided I would start with a post on why I have "joined the movement" for Infertility Awareness. In the beginning of 2008, my husband Alexis and I started trying to have a baby. We had not exactly been trying prior to getting married in November 2007 but we hadn't really been "preventing" it for a few years. Once we started "Actively trying"after January 1, 2008, panic started to set in because I just new there was some kind of problem. We tried for about 6 months and didn't get anywhere. In June of 2008 I went to see an OB, she said everything "looked" fine and that we should continue trying for 6 more months and if we didn't get anywhere she would run PCOS testing and some others to see if there were any underlying issues since my cycles were always irregular. In July 2008, I got pregnant but it resulted in a chemical pregnancy. My cycles after that just kept getting worse and we were still having no luck getting me pregnant. In December 2008, I made an appointment with a new OB. My insurance was changing after December 31st and the Dr. I saw in the summer was not on it. In January 2009, I went to see the new OB. She ran all the tests and I had a transvaginal ultrasound done. Later that month, I had my follow-up where I was told I had PCOS. The OB proceeded to tell me that she did not think that it was wise for me to get pregnant because I was so overweight. She said that if I walked in to her office that day and told her I was pregnant that she would consider me "high-risk" because I was for sure going to have high-bp, gestational diabetes and a plethora of other problems all because of my size. She told me to lose 50lbs and come back in 6 months and then we would discuss possibly helping me get pregnant. I walked out of the doctor's office with my game face on and a sense of determination but the reality was that I was even more discouraged than I was before I went in. After 3 months of eating well and exercising and not losing ANYTHING I went in to a pretty big depression. The fact that so many of my friends were getting pregnant around this time didn't help either. Eventually, it really started to sink in how "not okay" I was with all of this. I couldn't help but think to myself "big girls have babies all the time". The reality is that other than being over-weight there was nothing else wrong with me. I didn't mind watching what I ate so no further problems arose and attempting to lose a few pounds but I did not want it to be a pre-requisite for having a baby. So, I started researching online what options I might have being plus-size and TTC. I found lot of helpful forums and articles, the one that stood out the most was one that said "if your Dr. tells you that you're too big to have a baby, get a second opinion". So, that's what I did. In June, 2009 I made an appointment at the clinic covered by my insurance. It was a bit far but if it helped me get somewhere I didn't care. In July 2009, I had my appointment with my new RE. It was such an uplifting experience. Dr. W was AMAZING (she still is!) she gave me so much hope at that appointment and told me that even though Dr's will always encourage weight-loss because it's the healthy thing to do it doesn't have anything to do with my trying to get pregnant and we can work around that issue. For the first time in almost 2 years I had hope! I don't think I could ever repay her for just that day. It was something I REALLY needed. That month we did all the necessary testing. LOTS of bloodwork, ultrasound & HSG for me, SA for Alexis and a partridge in a pear tree. In early August 2009, AF arrived and I went in for my CD 2 ultrasound. My cycle was cancelled at that appointment because of cysts on my ovaries and I was put on BCP for the rest of that month to help get rid of them. Same thing happened in September 2009. On October 11, 2009, I got AF and at my CD2 ultrasound on 10.13 I was given the go ahead! I started a mini-stim on CD 3. It was a combination of Clomid for 5 days and then an injectable on CD 9. October 25, 2009 was the day of my first IUI you can read about it here October 26th was IUI #2 On November 5th, 2009 I got my BFP and on July 8th, 2010 I gave birth to the most amazing little person I had ever laid eyes on. He was worth every minute of that journey. Hands down. No question. One of the biggest struggle I had during that whole process was not having any in-real-life friends that I could relate to. Not to say that I didn't have many friends who were so encouraging and praying for us every step of the way which I am forever grateful for. But, as much I you never want anyone to have to go thru infertility, it's nice to have someone to be able to relate to. After I had J, I started speaking out on FB every NIAW and I was surprised at how many of my friends came out to me about their struggles. So many women suffer thru the heartbreak that is infertility in silence and I do not think it should be that way. Infertility is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It's not your fault. It's not your DH's fault. Infertility is a disease and it does NOT make you any less of a man or woman. My hope is that by speaking out, I can help make this journey a little less lonely for someone.

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