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Tuesday, April 11, 2017


Danielle LaPorte truthbombed it best; find your tribe. love them hard.

One of the things that I dislike most about myself is that I feel everything so very deeply. 

Joy, love, hatred, gratitude, sorrow, rejection, disappointment....all of it. 

This process is filled with so many emotions all the time that I find that whenever I'm in the middle of a cycle, I find myself drifting away often.
I'm in my thoughts and feeling 80% of every single day.

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about how different this cycle has been than the rest. Not just before of my personal milestones, but everything else

I  have been swimming in the depths of  gratitude and realizing how lucky I am to have this amazing tribe of absolutely incredible women in my life.

At the time of my last cycle I had just started the Ladies of IVF Florida a couple of months prior and it was still a small group, now it has over 100 members and these women.... they're amazing. 

They give me strength and remind me to have faith in the process and to believe that good things can and will happen. They make this road less lonely. They are the reason that I don't feel like I have to go thru this alone because WE will do it together. I don't think any of them truly know how grateful I am to have them. [note to self: tell them]

In the past, I have always just gone along with whatever instructions I was given. I never asked any questions and realized that in retrospect, I felt completely out of control of everything that was going on. This time it's very different. I knew going in to it that I needed to advocate for myself better. This was going to be round 5 and I needed to do something different in hopes of a different outcome. 

Dr. S gives me all the information I could possibly want. She is not just my doctor,she is also my biggest cheerleader. She always makes sure that my voice, opinions and concerns are considered. She makes me feel like she and I are a team and WE will do this together. I wonder if she knows how many women she gives these feelings to? I hope that she knows just how incredible all her patients think she is what a positive and calming force she is. [note to self: remind her]

My boss who never asks too many questions, just enough to know what's going on and gives me the time and space to do whatever needs to be done during this process and feel however I need to feel.
It does not escape me how fortunate I am to have someone as understanding as she. I don't tell her this because she's not the mushy sentimental type but one day I will [note to self:plan embarrassing heartfelt thank you for the Boss Lady]

The hardest part about this journey is that there are never any guarantees. You can hope, wish and pray and the reality is that anything can happen. You can have the world one moment and it can all be taken away from you the next. We go thru this always expecting and hoping for the best.
Faith > Fear.
Your tribe doesn’t isn't always made of of the people you expect. They do not have to be within walking distance or even driving distance. They just need to be willing to be vulnerable right along with you and help make you strong when you cannot do it for yourself. They are what help you make it to the other side. They are what make the journey less lonely. They turn that "I" in to "WE". That’s what makes them so special.

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