10dpiui.....2 days till testing

10dpiui.....2 days till testing

Monday, September 30, 2013

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10 & 9dpiui and I'm almost positive I'm going to drive myself crazy googling symptoms.
You'd swear I'd never been pregnant before. 

If I decide to be "Positive Peggy" (vs. the Debbie Downer DH says I am 98% of the time) then I swear I would say I'm pregnant.
Ugh. It makes me nervous to even right that out.
Ever since the ovulation pain of the century the day of my first IUI,  I've had little things here and there that feel slightly familiar. 

I've had light cramping for the last 5 days or so along with a lot of pulling and pain on the sides near my ovaries. Add to that some lower back pain, random flutters/vibrations in the area of my uterus and other weird sharp pains here and there all in that area. I have a glimmer of hope.
It's possible.
I only remember having these feelings one other time. 

I could blame this all on the Crinone except I'm not taking any this month.

Coming back to reality, I know there is that other 75% chance that it didn't work.
I'm trying very hard to come to terms with that before I test on Wednesday morning. I'm hoping I can be okay with another BFN....well as okay as can be expected I suppose.
I'm trying to focus on the positive and that is that we have a plan for our next cycle (all injectables) and then the possibility of doing IVF depending on what the financial counselors at the RE's office say.

SO! we'll see what happens on Friday.

IUIs 5 & 6 = Check!

IUIs 5 & 6 = Check!

Monday, September 23, 2013

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Let's start with some positives.... This month I responded really well to meds. Hooray! It hasn't been this quick or good since my cycle with J ::fingers crossed:: I'm not sure if my change in diet had anything to do with it but I'm thankful. Prior to this cycle I was not ready for trigger until CD 17-18. this month on CD12 I had one 17.6 follie and my e2 was 357. I was pretty excited. The following day that follie was 21 and my e2 was 446 (I also had a 16 follie that may or may not have gotten anywhere by Friday)so I did my trigger Thursday night. First IUI was Friday morning and the next was Saturday. Now for the Debbie Downer crap... DH's counts on Day 1 weren't great. I'm not sure why his #'s fluctuate SO much. Last IUI they were over 40 million on Day 1 and almost 20 million on Day 2. This month they were 11 million on Day 1 and 15 million on Day 2. My biggest annoyance was my nurse on Day 2. Usually after the second one the nurse always makes sure to instruct me to come in 7dpiui for my p4 test an then if no AF @ 14dpiui for the beta. Saturday before the nurse started I reminded to ask her to please call in the Crinone rx to my ins. She asked if I've taken it before and I said yes, they put me on it at 7dpiui when I did the IUI that gave me J 4 years ago and I was on it after that for both IUI's this year. She tells that she would check and let me know. She does the IUI which was terrible because she clearly did not read my file to see it needs to be done a certain way since my cervix is weird. It took her forever and it was rather painful. Not to mention the 3-4 times she caught my skin when tightening the speculum screws. When she finished, she went to go find out about the Crinone. She comes back and tells me that I don't need it now and that "if you WANT you can make an appointment for about 7 days from now and we can check it for you" and that "if we need to we'll call it in then" i told her I don't understand cause they've always checked my progesterone at 7dpiui it's never been an option so she says "we'll they haven't checked it since April so it obviously wasn't a concern" I said that's cause my last IUI was in April?? She finally asks me if my insurance covers the blood work, I said of course yes and she replied then fine just to make the appt. WTF? I'm so frustrated. There were no other nurses there since they were about to close and I feel like this lady had no idea wtf she was talking about and a part of me is wondering if she even did the IUI right. The answering service wouldn't put my message thru since it wasn't a medical emergency so I need to call tomorrow. Anyway, that's where we're at. I have been shopping

and I've subscribed to every other "what to eat after IUI" suggestion I could find online. Drinking tons of water and trying my best to relax. Not the easiest thing to do with a 3 year old in the house but my husband has been pretty awesome. Don't tell him I told you ;) I'll take a home test around 10.2 - 10.3 and my beta so long as AF doesn't arrived would be on the 4th. So we'll see. I'm praying hard but as usual I really try not to feel one way or another about it so I'm not disappointed. I think after this we're doing a full injectables cycle and if that doesn't work do IVF before the end of the year.

Yes, I'm back. Again.

Yes, I'm back. Again.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

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Well I left off on my last post hoping that my May IUI cycle would prove to be more successful than April. No such luck. I actually had to cancel that cycle after I took all the meds since I lost y job. Co-pays are a B*&%h and I just could take that money away from J or house things to pay for the monitoring and IUI's. SO I went on a forced break for 4 months. I was a REALLY hard four months. I honestly tried not to think about it because every time I did it actually made me hyperventilate. I was desperately trying to find some way to go back somehow and that way never came until the end of last month. I called in Dr. W's office to see if I could just come back in Sept. and they said I would need to meet with her first since I have 3 failed cycles. They counted May since we took all the meds and BD'ed. Thankfully, Dr. W had a last min cancellation on the 29th so I took it. Basically recommended either sticking with 1-2 more cycles of the same, moving on to an injectables only IUI cycle or IVF. We left of with that I would do 1 Injectable IUI cycle and then come back and see if we want to continue with another or move to IVF. Well...things are never that simple. AF arrived on Saturday and I went in for my CD3 ultrasound on Monday. Apparently, my meds for this cycle needed to have been ordered in advance and I had no idea so I had no Follistim to start with on Monday :( My options were to either cancel or do another Clomid/Follistim cycle....so I opted to do that. I'm on cycle day 6 now and to my pleasant surprise the clomid has NOT made me a raging bitch yet so that's definitely a win. I'm sure Alexis thinks so. I'm not really sure how I feel. I'm just trying to take it easy and pray that my body does what it's supposed to. I mean, it grew a baby before....you'd think it would remember how. Ha. I honestly did not think it would be this hard emotionally this time around. I did not expect for the process to be as easy as it was with J but I wasn't expecting the overwhelming feeling of disappointment at the failed cycles. I thought that having J already would make the disappointment easier to brush off. I should just be thankful I have my beautiful and amazing son and that's it. Right? Not so much. I think having J has actually made it worse. Before I became a Mom, I didn't really know what I was missing. I had never carried a baby inside of me, never given birth, never experienced finally seeing this baby that you've been waiting so long for. It truly breaks my heart to imagine that I may never get to do all of that again. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to have my son. He is by far my greatest accomplishment that THE MOST incredible blessing I have ever been given. I am SO lucky to be his Mom and if I only ever get to have him that's fine but I won't stop trying. I don't feel like my family is complete yet. So if you're out there in cyber space reading this, I'll take any prayers and good wishes you can spare. Here we go again!

IUI's 3 & 4 were a bust....

IUI's 3 & 4 were a bust....

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

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I guess I should back track a bit. At the end of February I started the cycle for IUIs 1 & 2 (my RE does B2B IUI's). My RE wanted to start with the same meds that got me pregnant with J 3.5 years ago so it was 5 days of 100mg of Clomid CD 3-7, 150ui of Follistim on day 9 and then start monitoring on CD11. I went in for about 4 monitoring appointments only to finally be told on CD 17 that I was just not responding to the meds. They ended up uping my Clomid dose from 100mg a day to 150mg and keeping the Follistim injection. After 11 more days I went back in and I finally had a 22mm follie and my e2 was 829. The IUIs were done on March 25 & 26. As if it couldn't have gotten any worse. DH's post wash count the day if IUI #1 was the lowest it's EVER been at 4.8mil. Nurses thought it was a fluke since his numbers have never been low. We went thru with the IUI anyway since we had already been there all morning and driven so far to get there. Next day his count was 15mil. Better but obviously not great. My progesterone was low 7dpiui at 4.6 By this point I was already 99% sure it was not going to work. 11 days later I took an HPT and it was negative. 12dpiui AF arrived on April 6th. April 8th I went in for my CD 3 u/s and was given the go ahead to start meds again that night. They left my Clomid dose at 150mg. By CD 16 I had one almost 21mm follie and an almost 16mm follie. I triggered that night and the IUI's were set for the 23rd & 24th. DH's count for IUI 3 was 48mil! I was super happy about this. The next day it was 22mil. My p4 level 7dpiui was 11.04 which is the highest it's ever been. By this point I was pretty optimistic. Since last cycle I thought if 1&2 didn't work then 3&4 would. My beta would be around my birthday and based on the IUI date my EDD would be the 2 year anniversary of the day I lost my Mom. For some reason I had convinced myself that it would work. The dates all lined up with something significant and it was going to work. Yeah, I was wrong. 11&10dpiui I took an HPT and it was negative and yesterday at 12dpiui I got AF. I was devastated. I haven't cried about IF since before I was blessed to get pregnant with my son. But Saturday....and Sunday, I cried. A lot. I know that I should be thankful that I was able to have one baby and I am. Thankful beyond words. I love my son, he's amazing, I truly did not exist before him. But even still, my family is not complete. I have always had so much admiration and respect for these women that go on this IF journey and for years don't see a positive result after trying everything under the sun to get pregnant. The process is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally. I went back to the RE today for my CD 2 ultrasound and was given the go ahead to start meds again tomorrow. The nurse said that if by chance it doesn't work then I'll have a follow-up with Dr. W next month regarding a new plan of action. So we'll see I suppose. I will continue praying and hoping for the best. Maybe May will come thru after all. ::shrugs::

Joining the movement....

Joining the movement....

Sunday, April 21, 2013

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In light of National Infertility Awareness week I decided to dust off the old blog and write in here again. I decided I would start with a post on why I have "joined the movement" for Infertility Awareness. In the beginning of 2008, my husband Alexis and I started trying to have a baby. We had not exactly been trying prior to getting married in November 2007 but we hadn't really been "preventing" it for a few years. Once we started "Actively trying"after January 1, 2008, panic started to set in because I just new there was some kind of problem. We tried for about 6 months and didn't get anywhere. In June of 2008 I went to see an OB, she said everything "looked" fine and that we should continue trying for 6 more months and if we didn't get anywhere she would run PCOS testing and some others to see if there were any underlying issues since my cycles were always irregular. In July 2008, I got pregnant but it resulted in a chemical pregnancy. My cycles after that just kept getting worse and we were still having no luck getting me pregnant. In December 2008, I made an appointment with a new OB. My insurance was changing after December 31st and the Dr. I saw in the summer was not on it. In January 2009, I went to see the new OB. She ran all the tests and I had a transvaginal ultrasound done. Later that month, I had my follow-up where I was told I had PCOS. The OB proceeded to tell me that she did not think that it was wise for me to get pregnant because I was so overweight. She said that if I walked in to her office that day and told her I was pregnant that she would consider me "high-risk" because I was for sure going to have high-bp, gestational diabetes and a plethora of other problems all because of my size. She told me to lose 50lbs and come back in 6 months and then we would discuss possibly helping me get pregnant. I walked out of the doctor's office with my game face on and a sense of determination but the reality was that I was even more discouraged than I was before I went in. After 3 months of eating well and exercising and not losing ANYTHING I went in to a pretty big depression. The fact that so many of my friends were getting pregnant around this time didn't help either. Eventually, it really started to sink in how "not okay" I was with all of this. I couldn't help but think to myself "big girls have babies all the time". The reality is that other than being over-weight there was nothing else wrong with me. I didn't mind watching what I ate so no further problems arose and attempting to lose a few pounds but I did not want it to be a pre-requisite for having a baby. So, I started researching online what options I might have being plus-size and TTC. I found lot of helpful forums and articles, the one that stood out the most was one that said "if your Dr. tells you that you're too big to have a baby, get a second opinion". So, that's what I did. In June, 2009 I made an appointment at the clinic covered by my insurance. It was a bit far but if it helped me get somewhere I didn't care. In July 2009, I had my appointment with my new RE. It was such an uplifting experience. Dr. W was AMAZING (she still is!) she gave me so much hope at that appointment and told me that even though Dr's will always encourage weight-loss because it's the healthy thing to do it doesn't have anything to do with my trying to get pregnant and we can work around that issue. For the first time in almost 2 years I had hope! I don't think I could ever repay her for just that day. It was something I REALLY needed. That month we did all the necessary testing. LOTS of bloodwork, ultrasound & HSG for me, SA for Alexis and a partridge in a pear tree. In early August 2009, AF arrived and I went in for my CD 2 ultrasound. My cycle was cancelled at that appointment because of cysts on my ovaries and I was put on BCP for the rest of that month to help get rid of them. Same thing happened in September 2009. On October 11, 2009, I got AF and at my CD2 ultrasound on 10.13 I was given the go ahead! I started a mini-stim on CD 3. It was a combination of Clomid for 5 days and then an injectable on CD 9. October 25, 2009 was the day of my first IUI you can read about it here http://alexisandjustine.blogspot.com/2009/10/all-iuis-should-be-this-fun.html October 26th was IUI #2 http://alexisandjustine.blogspot.com/2009/10/2-was-much-better.html On November 5th, 2009 I got my BFP and on July 8th, 2010 I gave birth to the most amazing little person I had ever laid eyes on. He was worth every minute of that journey. Hands down. No question. One of the biggest struggle I had during that whole process was not having any in-real-life friends that I could relate to. Not to say that I didn't have many friends who were so encouraging and praying for us every step of the way which I am forever grateful for. But, as much I you never want anyone to have to go thru infertility, it's nice to have someone to be able to relate to. After I had J, I started speaking out on FB every NIAW and I was surprised at how many of my friends came out to me about their struggles. So many women suffer thru the heartbreak that is infertility in silence and I do not think it should be that way. Infertility is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It's not your fault. It's not your DH's fault. Infertility is a disease and it does NOT make you any less of a man or woman. My hope is that by speaking out, I can help make this journey a little less lonely for someone.

Making a return!

Making a return!

Monday, January 25, 2010

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Well this past weekend I was reminded yet again that I should probably update my blog so I've finally decided to get off my lazy ass and get to it.

I will warn you that since it has been 3 months a lot has happened and it will be a loooonnnggg post. So, grab a snack and sit back.

As most of you know I'm pregnant! 15 weeks today to be exact! When I left you all back in October I had done my B2B IUI's and I was in to my 2ww. Let me tell you how it all went down!

Monday, November 2 , I went in for my P4 blood work I got the results back on Wednesday November 4. They were really low @ 6.5. They should have been at 15+ on a medicated cycle or at least above 10 which is what you need in order to sustain a healthy pregnancy. I was crushed. I thought it was over and the cycle had failed. I had been very negative about the whole thing and really tried not to think too much about it. Anyway....The nurse that called to give me my results called back after speaking with my RE and they decided to put me on P4 supplements. I was to pick them up the next day. Thursday, which was 11dpt. I had already put it in my calender that I would test at 11dpt because I had heard the trigger only stays in your system for 10 days. So that morning I woke up and POAS.The result....

I honestly thought I was hallucinating.

Once I got home from picking up my P4 supplements at the RE's office, I told DH. He then proceeded to sing "We Are the Champions" in honor of his "boys" and hugged and kissed me. He was very excited. Since the RE's nurse was not there when I picked up the supps. I called and left a message regarding the HPT. The nurse called back and told me it was most likely a false positive. Totally bummed. I then spent several hours googling how long the trigger stays in your system.

Google is the enemy.

But, in an effort to be proactive, the next day I went and bought two digitals before a wedding rehearsal and promptly stopped at my nearest Staples and took the first one. The result....

That was followed by another digi the next day and 2 more Dollar Store tests in the days following. All with the same result.

On Monday, November 9 (4 weeks pregnant) we went in for our beta @ the lab near our house. The results were not ready that day so we had to wait till Tuesday. Tuesday, November 10 we waited all day for the nurse to call....
at 3:00pm she finally did and what better day than our anniversary to find out that my beta came in at 102! and My P4 went up to 23.9!
We were cautiously thrilled beyond belief! After 18 long months....finally?! Really?!

We had another Beta schedule for that Friday and it was 714! we had beta #1 at 14dpiui result was 102 and #2 was scheduled for 18dpiui. The nurse had told me it should be around 600 when I asked on Monday but I was prepared for it to be around 400. I was ecstatic to hear the news! I told DH and he gave me the biggest hug and kiss and actually cried.

He told me to not tell people he cried because then he would lose his "street cred". Nerd.

Anyway, I made an appointment for a "baby scan" for the following week. Basically the baby scan was to confirm pregnancy with u/s and make sure it was developing in the right place

The scan went great! On Thursday November 9, we got to see the sac and the yolk sac. RE said I was measuring 5 weeks and 3 days. Right on target.

She did the u/s we went over my PNV's and continuing progesterone and told me to go back in 2 weeks. Before she left she gave me the biggest hug. A REAL hug, like the kind your mom would give. LOVE HER!

I loved my RE, Dr. Vanessa Weitzman at IVF Florida. She is truly amazing.

Between u/s we told our immeditate family on Thanksgiving. Everyone was BEYOND thrilled and they still are :)

December 3rd, we went back for our follow-up/graduation u/s/ They would be looking for a baby and a heartbeat. I was 7 weeks and 3 days @ that point so everything should have been there. Result!....

It was really amazing to se him/her hanging around in there. We were over the moon. I was sad to hear at that appt. that I would no longer need to see my RE. Since baby was measuring right on target and had a nice strong HB we had no need to go back insert depressed face here> there were lots of hugs and such. It's a scary feeling to "graduate" from your RE.

I spent the rest of that day trying to find an OB and was lucky enough to find Dr. K on a recommendation from a Bumpie.

My next appointment was not until December 30th. 11 weeks and 2 days. Those 4 weeks were killer. It's such a delicate time in your pregnancy and so much can happen that it sends you in to a spiral of thoughts and emotions and will literally drive you crazy. I prayed a lot. A LOT! But thank god everything was great!

The appointment was for our NT Scan/First Trimester Sequential screening. I was honestly better than we could have ever imagined. Granted, the tech did not get the measurements she needed but we didn't really care because we got to see our baby and watching him/her moving around in there was absolutely amazing. We also got to hear the heartbeat for the first time which was the greatest sound ever. Baby Rojas was measuring about 3-5 days ahead of schedule. DH said it was all the ham and lechon I had over the holidays that gave the baby a boost. Lol.

He was very proud to say the least. We both shed a tear, it was a very exciting and emotional experience. The best part is we got to do it all over again the following Wednesday .

January 6th was NT Scan #2. They were finally able to get the measurements they needed and everything was perfect. We got to see baby again and it was incredible to see how much had changed in a week! He/she had grown a centimeter and looked totally different....

The next day we had our 12 week appt. with the OB and he told us everything looked wonderful.

That pretty much brings us to today!!

We have our 16 week appt. with the OB next Thursday and then we won't see him again till 20 weeks. In between we have our anatomy scan on the 17th so we can find out where Baby Rojas is a boy or girl!

The pregnancy itself has gone well. I really can't complain. I never threw up, never really has m/s but I did have my little waves of nausea. Mostly when I needed to eat. I have been tired every day since the BFP. Aside from little things hear and there it's been not as bad as I thought it was going to be. The hardest adjustment has been dealing with being tired. I'm not used to never wanting to do anything. My appetite is finally starting to pick up again.

The best part is really that I'm finally in a place where I'm starting to get excited about everything. It's taken a while and I still have days where I'm terrified something will happen but I'm taking it day by day and just focusing on all the positive. I can't believe how fast time is going by!

It's also pretty amazing seeing my husband slowly start the transformation in to being "Daddy". I never understood until now why women say being pregnant and having a baby makes them fall in love with their husbands all over again. I get it now. :)

Now that I've done the big update I'll definitely try to keep it current!

I know I've said this before but thanks so much to all of you who have been there. Even if it wasn't in person the support I've gotten from all you ladies really helped get me through everything. I am eternally grateful to you all!

#2 was much better!

#2 was much better!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

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My RE rocks my socks!



I would like to start by saying that in time from Thurs-Monday 8 different people were all up in my business. I swear, all modesty is lost with this whole baby making thing.


So yeah, from the minute I met my RE I loved that woman! Today solidified that :) We got to the RE's office (the closer one we normally go to) and after DH gave his sample the washing was really quick. They called me back to the room and the nurse that was assigned to me was really sweet and asked me how I was feeling after yesterday debacle. I told her better just some cramping but I couldn't sit for a few hours after I got home. She said MY RE (there are 6 in the practice and the one that did my IUI yesterday was one of the male doctors) would be doing my IUI today. I was happy :)


So she came in and gave me a big hug and said "So I heard you had an interesting experience yesterday", DH & I laughed.


She got started and it was very "pap-smear" like. My eyes were closed and DH was rubbing my arm when I opened them he gave me a thumbs up! The whole thing was done in about 5 minutes. No crazy tools, no needles, she did great!


LOVE HER!



SO! we're officially in the 2ww. EEK!

I'm trying very hard not to think about it because I will drive myself crazy. I'm also trying to stay positive while not getting my hopes up. This is going to be a very emotional 2 weeks.
Our insurance covers 2 more tries at this, so while I'm truly hoping it works this time after everything we went through to just get to this point I know we have a few more chances.

I'll be praying to go everyday for the next 8 days or so and then I'll know.

So please keep us in your thoughts, any good vibes that can be spared are greatly appreciated.