IUI's 3 & 4 were a bust....

I guess I should back track a bit. At the end of February I started the cycle for IUIs 1 & 2 (my RE does B2B IUI's). My RE wanted to start with the same meds that got me pregnant with J 3.5 years ago so it was 5 days of 100mg of Clomid CD 3-7, 150ui of Follistim on day 9 and then start monitoring on CD11. I went in for about 4 monitoring appointments only to finally be told on CD 17 that I was just not responding to the meds. They ended up uping my Clomid dose from 100mg a day to 150mg and keeping the Follistim injection. After 11 more days I went back in and I finally had a 22mm follie and my e2 was 829. The IUIs were done on March 25 & 26. As if it couldn't have gotten any worse. DH's post wash count the day if IUI #1 was the lowest it's EVER been at 4.8mil. Nurses thought it was a fluke since his numbers have never been low. We went thru with the IUI anyway since we had already been there all morning and driven so far to get there. Next day his count was 15mil. Better but obviously not great. My progesterone was low 7dpiui at 4.6 By this point I was already 99% sure it was not going to work. 11 days later I took an HPT and it was negative. 12dpiui AF arrived on April 6th. April 8th I went in for my CD 3 u/s and was given the go ahead to start meds again that night. They left my Clomid dose at 150mg. By CD 16 I had one almost 21mm follie and an almost 16mm follie. I triggered that night and the IUI's were set for the 23rd & 24th. DH's count for IUI 3 was 48mil! I was super happy about this. The next day it was 22mil. My p4 level 7dpiui was 11.04 which is the highest it's ever been. By this point I was pretty optimistic. Since last cycle I thought if 1&2 didn't work then 3&4 would. My beta would be around my birthday and based on the IUI date my EDD would be the 2 year anniversary of the day I lost my Mom. For some reason I had convinced myself that it would work. The dates all lined up with something significant and it was going to work. Yeah, I was wrong. 11&10dpiui I took an HPT and it was negative and yesterday at 12dpiui I got AF. I was devastated. I haven't cried about IF since before I was blessed to get pregnant with my son. But Saturday....and Sunday, I cried. A lot. I know that I should be thankful that I was able to have one baby and I am. Thankful beyond words. I love my son, he's amazing, I truly did not exist before him. But even still, my family is not complete. I have always had so much admiration and respect for these women that go on this IF journey and for years don't see a positive result after trying everything under the sun to get pregnant. The process is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally. I went back to the RE today for my CD 2 ultrasound and was given the go ahead to start meds again tomorrow. The nurse said that if by chance it doesn't work then I'll have a follow-up with Dr. W next month regarding a new plan of action. So we'll see I suppose. I will continue praying and hoping for the best. Maybe May will come thru after all. ::shrugs::